July 24, 2001

Another Melancholy Eve (Recovered from LiveJournal)

I'm in one of my moods...

My future's starting to pan out for me all of a sudden, and while I'm really excited about it and can't wait to get started, I just can't shake this stupid mindset I've been in lately. It didn't help when I picked up an indy TPB I'd been meaning to read for a while, Complete Lowlife, and it turned out to be (surprise!) quite a sad little self-examination piece that got me thinking as well.

Some of the situations in that book were like another world to me... I've never been into the drug scene, and there's a lot of that in there. I think it's an interesting subculture, which leads to my fascination with films like Pulp Fiction or Trainspotting, but it's nothing I'd ever get involved with in my wildest dreams.

But then, despite so much of the book centering on the author's old drug habits, there was a lot of coverage on his romantic problems / troubles, which is a world that I consider all too familiar. It's pretty funny... I've only ever had three steady girlfriends in my life, a couple strong mutual attractions that never added up to much, and a couple dates out of left field rounded things out a bit. I'm far from a professor on the subject, but whenever I read or see something that deals with hearbreak, I instantly sympathize with the author. I've been hurt badly before, and I think that's what leads to my continuing sense that I'm not good enough to deserve a girl like Autumn.

Shit, I'm rambling. The point I'm trying to get across is this; I watch too many sad, mopey, "oh, she broke my heart and life is shit" movies, and I think too much about them. It's changing the way I feel... that's a bad thing.

So yeah, I finished this really deep book, and despite the fact these should be the happiest days of my life.... a solid direction, no responsibilities throughout the rest of the month, a 22nd birthday less than a week away, Autumn and I happier than we've ever been... I'm just wasting them all away feeling like I've lost some major battle. I'm a moron.

Incidentally, in case the above paragraphs didn't fill you in, I got the job in Sarasota. We've got an apartment lined up (supposing they ever call back to confirm my credit check), a starting date, and whatnot. I had a blast down there, and can't wait to get my life started in the area. And I sure as HELL can't wait to get out of this balmy, sweaty, stinky, NON-AIR CONDITIONED, Muncie apartment. Holy christ, it was actually refreshingly cooler when we landed in Florida. That's not supposed to happen!

Something strange happened last night; while I was watching wrestling, I heard a loud explosion out on the street. I jumped up and peeked out the window, but nothing seemed amiss. I'm paranoid, so I even checked my car to make sure it hadn't exploded for some reason. Not a scratch. So I sat down, and 5 minutes later there was this gigantic fireworks display launched from about three blocks from my house. Apparantly somebody thought the 23rd of July was worthy of a celebration and launched the rest of the city's fireworks stock. It was bizarre.

But I've been typing too long already, and my knees are starting to sweat from putting the keyboard on my lap. I've reached the point where it doesn't bother me to go outside in boxers and nothing more. That's how hot it is. Time to hit the bars... I suppose I should put something on.

posted by drqshadow at 7:33 PM


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