January 26, 2006

Life Stories...

I posted this in a thread about "weird restroom stories" on the Oratory forums, and felt it was worth sharing with anyone who doesn't visit the forums or perhaps those who overlooked the thread.

No matter where I am, I'm notorious for wanting to take my shoes off. I'll walk around the yard in socks, when I'm at work I'm wearing socks with no shoes, when I've got more than an hour's drive I'll go shoeless, and when I would go to the bathroom in the dorms it would be in socks, sans shoes. It's just more comfortable that way.

So anyway, I'm living in the dorms my freshman year, dropping the kids off between classes in the big 30-stall shared bathroom on our floor of the complex. I'm in the stall all the way to one end, against the wall, and nobody else is around. About halfway through my business, I hear someone come into the bathroom, and they're obviously heavy and winded. They're stomping and breathing, making a lot of noise. They march around for a minute, and then decide to shit. Stomp their way over to the stalls, look around, and start walking to my stall. They try my door, and I see these huge brown boots with mud caked on them walk to the stall directly next to me. They drop trow, but never turn around to take a seat, and it looks like they're going to take a piss, which is puzzling considering the urinals on the other side of the room.

Then I hear this enormous splash, not like a turd hitting the water, but more like a boulder being heaved into a lake. The guy next to me flushes, starts breathing again, and takes off running without pulling his pants back up. I laugh, then realize that the stall next to me is already beginning to overflow, and the water sure isn't crystal clear. This nasty, foggy brown choclate milk-looking shit is pouring out onto the floor, and I've got a shit halfway out of my ass trying to decide how to finish, wipe and get out as quickly as possible to avoid walking through puddles of shitwater in stocking feet.

I wound up pinching it off, forgoing the wipe, and tearing out of there with my pants half up. If anybody had been watching from outside, I can only imagine what they would've thought after seeing this dude haul out of there with pants around his ankles, pursued quickly by me with my pants unbuttoned and a look of fear on my face.

posted by drqshadow at 8:00 PM


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