Quick and Dirty Spider-Man 3 Impressions

I really hope they don't make another. The first two were so good that it was hard to go into this one without some weighty expectations, and it didn't even come close to reaching them. It wasn't a bad movie at all, and had dozens of strong redeeming factors, but it wasn't a good one either and a lot of the comedic moments were really forced and borderline unwatchable. Probably the only light scenes I laughed at were with Bruce Campbell and his french wait staff, constantly parading out the champagne, only to be shooed back behind the curtains again... and that was being balanced with the emotion of the Peter / MJ fight.

I hated how insanely cheesy the "evil Pete" scenes were. If I could cut that whole fifteen minutes out of the film, I'd have enjoyed it a lot more. I hated the gooey, touchy-feely half hour of happiness and joy that opened the film, too. I realize that they wanted to establish how happy he was so the later fall would have more emotional impact, but this crap was way, way over the top. I must have rolled my eyes about a dozen times. Again, pull that half hour out and I enjoy the movie more. I loved the Sandman, from the acting to the effects to the backstory, but he felt like a sideshow in the grand scheme of things and didn't even get a proper send-off. He floats through the sky and all is right with the world? Right. I thought the Goblin face turn was poorly done and hurried - OK, now he knows Spidey didn't kill his dad. What about, I don't know, the GIANT DISFIGURING SCAR Pete gave him days before? I'd be doubly pissed.

And, I swear to god, if I saw one more tremblin' lip and sobby eye, I was ready to puke. The last ten minutes were like watching a chick flick about cancer or something, and I couldn't have given less of a fuck. The first two films treated the source material with honor and respect, and they were outstanding movies. This one treated them like kiddie material, and felt like it came from an entirely different director / writer.

It had its moments, but they were scattered and on the whole I was disappointed. At least they gave Venom the awesome giant spider icon on his chest, for all of the three minutes we got to see it.

Why did Brock's teeth change even when he wasn't wearing the suit? Did the symbiote make him a vampire? Fuck, this movie was stupid sometimes...

Labels: movie, review, spider-man 3, superhero