July 24, 2001

Another Melancholy Eve (Recovered from LiveJournal)

I'm in one of my moods...

My future's starting to pan out for me all of a sudden, and while I'm really excited about it and can't wait to get started, I just can't shake this stupid mindset I've been in lately. It didn't help when I picked up an indy TPB I'd been meaning to read for a while, Complete Lowlife, and it turned out to be (surprise!) quite a sad little self-examination piece that got me thinking as well.

Some of the situations in that book were like another world to me... I've never been into the drug scene, and there's a lot of that in there. I think it's an interesting subculture, which leads to my fascination with films like Pulp Fiction or Trainspotting, but it's nothing I'd ever get involved with in my wildest dreams.

But then, despite so much of the book centering on the author's old drug habits, there was a lot of coverage on his romantic problems / troubles, which is a world that I consider all too familiar. It's pretty funny... I've only ever had three steady girlfriends in my life, a couple strong mutual attractions that never added up to much, and a couple dates out of left field rounded things out a bit. I'm far from a professor on the subject, but whenever I read or see something that deals with hearbreak, I instantly sympathize with the author. I've been hurt badly before, and I think that's what leads to my continuing sense that I'm not good enough to deserve a girl like Autumn.

Shit, I'm rambling. The point I'm trying to get across is this; I watch too many sad, mopey, "oh, she broke my heart and life is shit" movies, and I think too much about them. It's changing the way I feel... that's a bad thing.

So yeah, I finished this really deep book, and despite the fact these should be the happiest days of my life.... a solid direction, no responsibilities throughout the rest of the month, a 22nd birthday less than a week away, Autumn and I happier than we've ever been... I'm just wasting them all away feeling like I've lost some major battle. I'm a moron.

Incidentally, in case the above paragraphs didn't fill you in, I got the job in Sarasota. We've got an apartment lined up (supposing they ever call back to confirm my credit check), a starting date, and whatnot. I had a blast down there, and can't wait to get my life started in the area. And I sure as HELL can't wait to get out of this balmy, sweaty, stinky, NON-AIR CONDITIONED, Muncie apartment. Holy christ, it was actually refreshingly cooler when we landed in Florida. That's not supposed to happen!

Something strange happened last night; while I was watching wrestling, I heard a loud explosion out on the street. I jumped up and peeked out the window, but nothing seemed amiss. I'm paranoid, so I even checked my car to make sure it hadn't exploded for some reason. Not a scratch. So I sat down, and 5 minutes later there was this gigantic fireworks display launched from about three blocks from my house. Apparantly somebody thought the 23rd of July was worthy of a celebration and launched the rest of the city's fireworks stock. It was bizarre.

But I've been typing too long already, and my knees are starting to sweat from putting the keyboard on my lap. I've reached the point where it doesn't bother me to go outside in boxers and nothing more. That's how hot it is. Time to hit the bars... I suppose I should put something on.

posted by drqshadow at 7:33 PM 0 comments

July 14, 2001

Aaaargh (Recovered from LiveJournal)

I guess leaving work meant leaving my journal to sit, alone and shivering, for weeks on end. To say nothing's been going on would be entirely incorrect. I've been a busy little bee, burning every Dreamcast game available on Hotline while I still have access to Jeremy's CD-R drive. I mean, uh... I'm... buying every Dreamcast game I can find. Yeah, that's it.

My collection's suddenly well over 20 games, and I've only had the system for a month or two. God bless the Internet.

Anyway, Autumn and I made the trek down to Virginia and back without incident. Things are well down there, and I met most of her extended family. Her Aunt Shirley was a bit intimidating, but i think that's just the way Shirley is. Her Aunt Linda was pretty much the opposite of the rest of her family, in that she was a bit overbearing and in-your-face. Linda likes to talk, and I'm never exactly forthcoming when I first meet someone, so that worked out just fine.

I really got along with her Aunt Ronita and family. Animals have overrun that house, and I love it. They had this little dog, Max, who was a fat black monstrosity. When you enter the house, he barks. When you pet him, he barks. When you play with him, he barks. Later on, when he settled down a bit, her cousins showed me a special trick they taught him. Her cousin Andy gave the dog the middle finger, and he just lost his mind. I thought the little ball of energy was about to kill somebody.

So we stopped by their place twice. The drive up the mountain, where Ronita and Autumn's grandparents live is always a unique experience. Gigantic drops of death await on either side of the road, and the guard rails are few and far between. Autumn boldly makes the drive in her manual transmission implement of destruction without a second thought, but I don't think I could cope with that from behind the wheel.

Tyler, Autumn's younger brother, fell in love with my Dreamcast... as predicted. He couldn't get enough of 18 Wheeler and Silent Scope, with a little Crazy Taxi thrown in for variety.

I think before the trip, Autumn and I saw A.i. with Brian. What an odd film... a boring, predictable, overly mushy beginning that led to a surprisingly fun and original adventure of a middle, closed by one of the most bizarre, out of place, ridiculous endings I've ever seen. It was like a joke I'd make around Kevin and Joe... "yeah, and then... 2000 years later... the aliens came..." But, for god's sake, they actually DID! I almost pissed my pants.... soooo stupid.

While we were down in Virginia, I got an e-mail from Yosef telling me his boss was willing to offer me a full time job. This was actually perfect, since I hadn't heard anything from the people in Anderson since I called earlier in the week and they told me "second interviews are being scheduled." I was up in Michigan Tuesday and Wednesday, both enjoying his father's cottage on the lake and discussing the finer points of the job.

It sounds good, with one exception; the pay won't be great. I'll start at $10 an hour, but if business picks up so will my salary. It's full time, but I can still freelance if I want. Joe will effectively be my boss (which would be a little weird), but in all actuality it'd just be the two of us handling the entire creative wing of the company, while the guy who owns the whole schebang takes care of the business end. Basically, it's Joe and I starting our own firm, which was something we'd discussed as a possibility for WAY in the future, and we won't have to worry about putting our necks on the line to get it started.

In short, it's a chance to make a big impact right out of school, and I'm willing to take the risk that's required. Autumn loves the idea of moving to Sarasota, which is where the place is, and I love the idea of both working with and living near Joe, and restarting our old high school band, Kilt. For once, graduating from school seems like it may have actually been a stepping stone, as opposed to the anchor it's resembled in the last couple months.

We'll be headed down there Monday to look at apartments and chat with the man behind this job offer, and if everything goes according to plan the big move will happen just after my 22nd birthday. I want to start working in the first week of August, but we'll see what this employer has to say about that.

It's a time of hope... I wonder if, 20 years from now, I'll look back on this decision and regret it or pat myself on the back.

posted by drqshadow at 3:33 PM 0 comments